The Hermit
by padfoot is cool
Summary: Hanamichi comes to terms with life and with himself. Reality catches up to him at last and he decides.
1. The Shell

The Hermit

Chapter 1

I'm not really the idiot that everyone makes me out to be. I'm more, I really am. 

"You know who Sakuragi Hanamichi is?" Ask someone who thinks they know me that, and they will probably say something like:

 "That egotistical, conceited, worthless bully?" or "The self-proclaimed tensai?" or just simply "That Baka!". 

Its sad. I'm more than that. Deep inside I have my own battles, fight my own demons. My heart… constantly filled with self-doubt.  My fear… to be alone, ignored…. Be insignificant. My fondish wish…. To be someone special to somebody. 

Its funny really. How many people see me as incapable of hiding my feelings. They say, my feelings practically ooze out of me. Hahaha! How wrong they are. 

Let me tell you a secret…. Its all a mask. That Hanamichi that you see, that really isn't me. Its all an act. Not really by choice though. I wasn't like that before. I guess, you could say it started in junior high… when the first girl dumped me. 

I was utterly defeated then. I was humiliated. I felt like the world had rejected me. I offered my heart, it was refused. For a long time, I was convinced I was worthless…  that I was nothing… I guess really liked her. I really don't know now. Self doubt gnawed at my tender heart. I felt like I was dying from the inside. I had to protect myself. So I build my shell… my prison. 

I made excuses for everything. My shell was very convenient then… I built my whole personality around that shell… adding more layers, making it thicker, more impenetrable. I hid inside that shell, never allowing myself to think, never allowing myself to feel. Sometimes my guard goes down, but I find something else to distract me soon enough, anything to keep my mind of things. 

Its still there though, soaking up feelings in the background. I sense it all the time, but I don't acknowledge it. I prefer to hide. My mask is me, but I am not my mask. My mask belongs as for me… I don't really know.  I never let it out… its too risky… until that day… when it all crumbled. 

AN: 

Sorry for the really bad sentences.  I'm trying to imagine Hanamichi talking to himself. If he did that, I don't really think he would be talking in perfect sentences. I know that I don't. 

The Hanamichi in this fic is meant to be OOC. He hides under a mask, underneath he is supposed to be something else (in this fic anyway). If he seems respectful when talking to someone, he was meant to be that way. There isn't any reason for him to pretend otherwise. He is talking someone he trusts though.  I still cant decide if he is actually talking to someone he really trusts, himself, or writing on a diary. I wont probably bother either, it really isn't important to the plot. 


	2. Family

The Hermit

Chapter 2

It started on that day… when I realized she wasn't coming. 

I knew I would never get rid of the real me. I knew that it was just waiting for someone to call on to it. To draw it out. Deep inside I hoped Haruko would be the one… but she wasn't. 

On the surface, things seemed calm and normal. I was a junior now at Shohoku High. The basketball team was doing ok. Akagi-sempai, Mitsui-sempai and Kogure-sempai may have gone, but we had a lot of promising freshmen this year. We had a very good shot at the nationals. I still didn't pay much attention to class, but I was still passing. I chased after Haruko, she chased Rukawa and Rukawa played basketball. The guntai as always, kept close, making fun and bets off everything. 

It all changed one day at practice. 

_The Sakuragi household was located in ordinary neighbourhood, the only difference between them and the rest of the inhabitant on the area was their property took up a whole block. It couldn't really be considered a proper household though, the only occupants of the house was Hanamichi and some servants. The rest of the family was currently out of the country, his parents were on Britain, taking care of their business interests there. His 2 younger sisters were there as well. _

_Being the first born, Hanamichi was heir to a vast fortune. He knew that he would have to take that responsibility one day. His parents had understood his need to settle and grow in one place for a while… with friends. They knew that he needed to cherish his childhood. So when they left, they decided to leave Hanamichi behind. _

_It had been like this for 2 years now…_

It was another practice day. I didn't feel well that way. I caught Haruko staring at Rukawa again… my mask was cracking. I couldn't act like my usual obnoxious self. Reality had finally caught up with me. It was time to stop fooling myself. I finally gave up that day. 

Surprisingly it didn't hurt this time, not much anyway. It wasn't that sharp pain I imagined it to be, I didn't feel any emotions boiling over. It was more like a heavy feeling on my chest. A persistent weight. I felt empty.

I don't really remember what happened at that practice. My team mates may have noticed, it really isn't important. It doesn't matter anyway. Mito mentioned something about it the other day, not that I was surprised. The Guntai understood. They know. They are are like me. They know. My friends….

Anyway, I cant really think of anyone caring much. Notice yes, care.. No. They don't matter anyway. I remember one of Haruko's friends looking at me strangely… I don't really know her name. Not that it matters. 

Where was I… oh yeah. The practice. I really didn't remember much about it… except near the end… when my mobile started chirping. 

I didn't really notice it at first. Its not something im used to… people usually don't call me there. The only people who knew the number were my family and the Guntai. My family rarely calls at school hours so when I heard it during practice… I dismissed it. It kept ringing and ringing… it was getting annoying. I looked around, trying to localize the source of the sound… it came from the corner, near our bags. I remember looking at the team, with a questioning expression on their faces, they were looking at the corner. No one moved. It still kept ringing. I realized it was mine all along. 

_Ayako was looking at the particular corner curiously. She could hear a mobile ringing, but didn't know anyone who actually owned one. (_lets pretend it's the early 90's again, when cellular phones were rare and very expensive.) _There were quite expensive, she didn't know anyone wealthy enough to actually own one. _

It was silent for a long time, nothing could be heard except the persistent ring. They were startled when Hanamichi called for a substitution, and went to answer the call. 

_"Hello?"_

_"Father. Is something wrong?"_

_"Ok. Will you be staying long? Did you come alone?"_

_"Ill still in practice."_

_"Ok then. Ill meet you there."_

_"Oh.. ok ill bring them along"_

_"Ja"_

_AN: _

The Fic is named after the Hermit Crab. Just so you know. 


	3. Thirst

The Hermit 

Chapter 3

Do I hate myself? I don't really think so… but sometimes I wonder. 

Sometimes when I hear a certain song, I can't help but be drawn by it. Before you know it, I'm off to this little world where I perform extra-ordinary feats in the most extraordinary of places. I'm the hero. I get to save the day. Where I walk, people stare at me, thinking… "Hanamichi is so cool! I wish I could do that".

So… does that mean I hate myself? Or is it just natural to wish for things that you know wont really happen. Why is it that… whenever I drift to that place, I'm always the one being admired, the one with that special something. Why cant I picture myself just doing... ordinary things. 

I wish I could talk to someone about this. Preferably someone female. 

Haruko. 

No…

I thought it would be her. I was wrong. 

Friends are good and all that. I guess there are just some things that you cant really share… or rather you just want to share with 1 person. One special person. I really thought it would be her. 

Well… no use thinking about it now really. I have other things to think about now….

Father said my sisters would be coming home. 

My father and I have a pretty close relationship. I don't have trouble talking to him about most things. There are certain things however.. that are just hard to talk to your parents about. Like love. But anyway, most of the time, talking to my father has always been a light-hearted affair. When we talk after long period of separation, we usually catch up on things. Family matters, school, stuff like that. But this time it was different. 

What is it with the world today anyway. I have always been detached from most of the things that happen in the shadows. I mean sure… I know about bully's, gangs and stuff like that. Iv been there and done that after all. But kidnapping, extortion… I never thought it would happen to me or my family.  Anyway, my Father told me that a group of people have been trying to extort money from the company in the place where we were doing business… and fearing for my sisters safety, he and mother decided to send them back here… which means I have to watch over them. 

I don't know what to feel about this really… there are a plethora of emotions floating around. I'm happy of the idea of my sisters coming back, I'm honoured at my fathers trust in me, fierce pride—at my parents, for not running away. But at the same time… I'm afraid… afraid of failing.

I'm not really what you would call a role model for my sisters… am I? 

I feel something stirring inside me…. A strange desire to do something. A thirst.  I want to prove myself worthy of my fathers trust… I want to be something my sisters would be proud of. 

Its time for Shohoku to meet the real Sakuragi Hanamichi. 

A/N:

The long lost sister thing is pretty common is fandom…. Especially in Slam Dunk, but don't worry. Romance maybe one of the themes of this fic, but I certainly wasn't thinking about them. They wont be falling for anyone on the basketball team… not if Hanamichi has anything to say about it. 

Also, I don't know how the rest of you receive the idea of someone living alone while in High School, but I'm including this in the story because I lived by myself while in highschool. So the Idea isn't really that farfetched to me. 


End file.
